Even Angels Fall
by pampongchamp
Summary: COMPLETED Mary was always the bad child, oh she'll show them bad
1. hole in your life

A/N: hey, I've been inspired, oh I love inspiration. Sorry to everyone who begged for a "dans le temps" sequel I just couldn't do it, I had nothing. But I could come back, you never know.

I might have to up the rating on this; in fact I know I will pretty soon. 

Disclaimer: I do not own 7th heaven or any of its characters.

WARNING: this story contains drug use, strong language, abuse, and sexual content that may be offensive to some readers.

Ok, you've been warned

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The girl shivered and slowly opened her eyes. Her vision was blurred; all she could see was a dirty gray wall in front of her. 

When she started to move she realized that she was lying on the floor. 

_"Did I pass out? How long have I been here?"_ she thought. When she tried to lift her head, it felt as if it weighed a ton. She started to fight against gravity and pull it up; a sticky substance was holding her to the floor. She quickly yanked herself free, she looked down and smelled the air; it was vomit. Most likely hers, but whenever you wake up on a bathroom floor, you can never tell. 

She used all of her strength to push herself up on her side. She started to sway, so she placed her hands in front of her to use the cold tile floor for support. She sat slumped over that way for a while, she might have passed out again. All she knew was that a sharp pain in her arm woke her. She jumped suddenly, and placed her hand on her forehead to calm herself. When she bent her elbow the pain was stronger.

This scared her, she never felt pain anymore.

She was completely numb.

She held out her arm to discover a dirty needle sticking out of her vain. She squinted as she yanked it out of her flesh. She sighed and dropped it on the tile. The clinking sound it made caused her head to pound.

The shiny needle rolled across the floor and collided with an empty bottle of vodka, that was on it's side against the wall under where someone had carved, "Mike was here" The night was all starting to come back now.

She reached up for the sink; her whole body ached as she clutched the side of the slippery porcelain. She rose to her knees and hung over the sink for a few moments. She just took slow breaths for a few moments while she drooped there. 

She sniffled and looked up into the mirror, and for the first time she was shocked at who she saw in front of her.

She saw a girl, a lonely, angry girl. A girl with matted black hair that was sticking to the dried vomit on her left cheek. A girl with a gash under her right eye that left a crusty trail of blood down her face. The trail was interrupted by a teardrop that slid off her bruised face. The girl's eyes were red, and puffy, but a brilliant shade of green. 

She shakily lifted her hand and touched her face; just to make sure what she was seeing was real. She slowly tucked her sticky hair behind her ear and sighed shaking.

"How did you get here Mary?" she said as her scratchy voice echoed through the icy bathroom. 

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and that, ladies and gentleman is called a teaser

Review please!!


	2. angels fall

A/N: hi there, glad the first chap was appreciated. Thanks to all you super awesome ppl who read my crap and then tell me how much you like it! It makes me sooo happy! 

Just so no one gets confused, that last chapter has nothing to do with this one, it really isn't even part of the plot. It was more like a movie trailer, you know It gets you hooked and then it turns out it isn't in the movie. Yeah kinda like that, it was like a little glimpse into what may come later. Just had to clear that up. 

WARNING: this story contains drug use, strong language, abuse, and sexual content that may be offensive to some readers.

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"We're sending you to live with the colonel in Buffalo" the words rang through her mind as she lay under the ugly floral print comforter.  

They sent her away because she was bad.

She spent her first few months with the colonel in an awful state of depression. She called Robbie almost everyday just sobbing, begging to come home. "Why do they hate me?" she would cry, "what did I do to make them hate me?" 

After months of of sulking in the chintzy bedroom Mary started to get angry, very angry. All of her life she had watched her parents help kids with horrible problems. Taking care of the pregnant girl, bailing the druggie out of jail. They had taken on Robbie when he was much worse off than her. But her own family had kicked her out because she was a confused teenager who made a few tiny mistakes. 

She began to wonder if it had been Lucy or Matt, if they would have shipped them off. 

No, Mary was the bad one. 

Mary knew for sure that she was not a bad child; she was far from it. 

But if that was what they wanted her to be, she would be the bad child. 

It started off with really small things, just drinking a glass of wine when the colonel went out, sneaking cigars. Never anything too heavy. But it was enough for Mary, she really felt like she was being rebellious. 

But soon enough, the excitement of sneaking around wore off. Now she needed to get caught for it to be fun again. 

One night she saw cars lining the street and loud music playing. This was her chance. She put on a little halter-top and some tight jeans. She tiptoed out the backdoor when she was sure that her grandparents were sleeping. 

She strolled coolly down the street past all of the cars, as the rap music from inside the large house grew louder. As she approached the door she held up her head and strutted in like she owned the place. She stood in the foyer amongst the crowd, and then scanned her surroundings. To her left, in the living room, a group of boys were passing a joint back and forth. To her right, a couple was making out on the stairs. She walked further into the house and spotted three girls who looked about fourteen leaning against a wall, pretending that they belonged as they awkwardly sipped beer out of red plastic cups. 

"Hey" someone said as they placed their hand on her shoulder, she turned top face a guy who couldn't have been more than 22, blonde hair, light brown eyes, a sly smile. 

"Hey" Mary smiled back with confidence 

"Do I know you?" he asked

"Depends" Mary said, "who are you?" 

He was impressed with her already. He looked her up and down, tracing her curves with his eyes, he had a feeling she was easy. "I'm Brad," he said holding out his hand, "this is my house, and who are you?" 

"Mary" she said with a sexy smile 

He handed her a beer from the table, "so do you live around here Mary?"

"Yeah, I moved in down the street with my grandfather."

"Big scary general?" he asked

"That's the one" Mary laughed

"Ouch," he said, "so what are you doing living with pops?" 

"My parents kicked me out," she told him taking a swig of beer.

"Well I'm glad you're here." Brad said taking her arm. "Why don't you join us outside?" 

Brad slid open the sliding glass door and they stepped out onto a really nice deck where a girl with wavy black hair sat on the floor talking to a tall guy with glasses. "Hey guys" Brad said, "This is Mary" Mary suddenly got really shy as smiled slightly at the pair. "Mary, this is Lillian," he said pointing to the girl, "and this is my boy Ryan. Mary just moved in with general cranky."

"You poor thing" Lillian said with a slight Spanish accent.

Ryan took his cigar out of his mouth, "welcome to the neighborhood Mary" 

"Thanks" she said quietly as she sat down next to Brad on a bench. 

"I don't really know any of those people inside" Brad confessed, "These two clowns are the only people I care about. We all live around here, you should hang out with us sometime" he smiled at Mary.

"Yeah, that would be great" she told him. 

For the next few months she spent her nights with Brad, Ryan, and Lillian. She was really starting to like Brad, every time he kissed her she just felt happy. He always tasted like booze and smelled like smoke, she loved that.

One night she had spent the night with Brad, and then came staggering home at 8am. The colonel had been so angry, she was too hung over to hear anything he said. Toward the end of his lecture she heard him say, "don't you understand Mary? You're throwing away you're life! You're future!"

She had just stared at him, "what future?"

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Yeah, I know…its not much yet. I promise it picks up. But I finished writing this entire story (all 8 chapters) in a notebook today, so now it's just going to be typing it all, yuck. 

I'm going away for the weekend and I would LOVE to come home to a mailbox full of reviews!!


	3. world turned over

HI guys, thanks for all the reviews, it seriously makes my day you have no idea.

**I AM STRESSING THE WARNING ON THIS CHAPTER!!!!**

WARNING: this story contains drug use, strong language, abuse, and sexual content that may be offensive to some readers.

Before you read this and think I am a sick freak I have to tell you that this chapter is a true story, I just used my characters. My "big brother" is actually the Ryan in this story, he told me this, and I wanted to put it in here. It is EXTREMELY disturbing; I'm seriously telling you if you don't handle yucky stuff well, don't read this chap. When he told me this in person I had nightmares. One little fact, the drug PCP also known as "angel dust" makes your body lose all feeling, it makes you see things, just really messes you up. It can also cause extreme adrenaline rushes that people sometimes choose to get rid of through sex or fighting (or this is how Ryan's friends did) I did research, and it all checks out, so I'm sticking with my story …just a lil FYI (Ryan love, if you read this, I love you and I hope u aren't angry I did this)

Ok here we go.

IM SERIOUS ABOUT THE WARNING

LIKE REALLY

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One cool Friday night Mary had just jumped out of her bedroom window to go to Brad's. The colonel had grounded her, but the way Mary saw it. She was 21 years old, and she can't be grounded. 

She strolled up his front walk and there was a girl in front of her, she was tall, short brown hair. She reminded Mary of herself when she was younger. 

"Hi" Mary said with a smile

"Hi" the girl said back, "you're Brad's girlfriend right?"

She nodded, "I'm Mary"

"Angela" the girl said with a grin

"How old are you Angela?" Mary asked opening the front door.

"Fourteen" she said shyly, "I'm meeting some friends here, and one of my friends is going out with Todd"

"Oh, ok" Mary said as the little girl scampered off into the living room. She couldn't understand why these little kids with whole lives ahead of them hung out with the crazy drunken college kids. 

She went into the kitchen to try and find brad; Ryan was in standing next to the sink by himself. Mary walked over to join him. Right before she was going to ask him where Brad was, he came inside from the backyard.

He didn't look like himself

He staggered over towards Mary, "hey baby," he slurred, he started placing wet kisses all over her neck, "come on, lets go upstairs" he whispered.

Mary started to gently push him off of her, "no, not now" she said quietly 

"Come on" he begged, pressing her into the counter.

Mary was starting to get embarrassed, "seriously Brad, get off"

Ryan noticed Brad's strange behavior, and them he remembered how Todd was talking about bringing angel dust. 

Brad slammed Mary hard against the counter, "Ow!" she screamed, "Brad get off of me!"

Ryan stepped in and pulled them apart, he held brad back, "Mary go outside" he commanded

"Wha-" she started

"I mean it Mary, get out" he said still holding a struggling brad.  

She nodded and went out back, extremely confused about this entire situation.

"Man what the hell?!" brad screamed throwing Ryan against the wall.

Ryan quickly recovered and got right up in brad's face, "I'm serious dude, you stay away from her."

Brad yelled obscenities shoving Ryan hard enough to knock him to the ground. He cursed the whole room as he stormed into the other room.

Everyone stared as Ryan pulled himself up off the floor and went out back to check on Mary. He slid the door open to find her sitting in a chair biting her nails. When she saw him she immediately rose and ran over to meet him. "What the hell is his problem tonight?" she asked loudly.

"Todd brought him some angel dust, he's gonna be messed up for awhile, so stay away from him ok? I'll walk you home if you want."  

Mary nodded; "sure" she knew she didn't really want to stick around if he was going to be so messed up. 

The two of them started walking back through the house. As they passed the stairs Mary thought she heard a scream, "did you hear that?" she asked Ryan. Before he could answer she heard it again. She looked into the living room; Brad was nowhere to be seen.

She entered the living room and switched off the stereo. 

She heard the scream again and it gave her the shivers. She sprinted up the stairs and heard the scream over and over; each time it made her stomach jump.

It was coming from Brad's room. 

She ran to the door and tried to open it

Locked

Ryan had followed her up; he came around the corner to see her trying to open the door. "Mary, what's going on?"

Mary was frantically pounding on the door, "Ryan! Brad's got a girl in there and she's screaming and-and just help me!"               

Ryan ran over to the door, "back up" he said, and when Mary had moved he ran up and slammed his shoulder against the door, it didn't budge.

By now people were coming up the stairs to see what was going on. Ryan yelled at the crowd, "help me damn it!" some bigger guys joined Ryan in his pursuit to open the door. After as few kicks it finally broke free. 

Mary was the first one inside; she found brad on top of the girl Mary had met earlier, Angela. Brad was holding her down with one arm and he had the other across her mouth in attempt to silence her. When she saw Mary she screamed louder and struggled harder. 

"Shut-up!" brad shouted holding her down harder. The guys who had broken down the door went for brad, Mary yelled for someone to call 9-1-1. The guys were struggling to get brad off of her, but he was way too furious and messed up to stop. 

Mary was the first one to notice that the screaming had ceased. 

It took eight guys to finally get brad onto the floor. They were holding him down, but he was thrashing violently.

Mary slowly approached the bed; her blood ran cold when she saw her. Angela was lying there limp, with her pants around her ankles. Her eyes were wide open, and full of terror, her mouth was still open, mid-scream.

She was only fourteen

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The cop fastened the handcuffs of the now calm Brad and lowered him into the car.

Mary leaned against Ryan while tears ran down her cheeks. She sniffled and he put his arm around her.

The paramedics wheeled the stretcher down the driveway. On it was a little girl, with a white sheet pulled up over her. Mary couldn't imagine what was going through her head when she died. She just came to a party to maybe get a smile out of an older guy. She wasn't there to die.

The paramedic told them that while Brad was holding his hand over her mouth, in her struggle he had snapped her neck. She died instantly, while she was being raped.

Mary surveyed the commotion around her; the colonel would be out in no time. He would take her home and scream at her, and remind her that it could have been her in that ambulance. Then he would call her parents.

Mary looked up at Ryan and whispered, "I have to get out of here" 

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Well, I don't know what to say after that. If anyone wants to know, the real Ryan has been clean and sober for years, and the real "Brad" just got out of jail on parole about a month ago.

"Angela" would be 18

Please review, and don't do drugs, ever

(this was rated R for like a day, but I went in and took the F word out of it, I just couldn't stand not having anyone read my story cuz no one reads the R ones, I'll see how long I can possibly keep this PG-13)


	4. i almost fell

A/N: yep, I changed the rating again. It seriously pains me to have an empty mailbox. I like, need reviews, they are like my drug. (Crazy how this story is about drug-addiction? Interesante) anyways, I'm thinking that it would be possible to keep this PG-13 to the end if I keep the language mild. For instance, ceruleanoctober writes dark, gross stories, (that are unbelievable by the way) and she keeps them PG-13. So I can too.  

**WARNING: this story contains heavy drug use, strong language, abuse, and sexual content that may be offensive to some readers. **

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Mary leaned her head against the window and watched as the trees passed by. Her breath made puffs of white steam on the cold pane that slowly dissipated as she inhaled. 

She closed her eyes and tried to forget what she was running from. 

She slowly slipped into sleep.

In her dreams she was walking down a dark hallway, and she heard that awful screaming. It got louder as she reached the door at the end of the hallway. The door faded into nothing when she touched the handle. She looked inside, and everything was just like it was that night. A crowd ran in behind her and attack brad. Everything started to spin. Mary approached the bed too examine the lifeless body. Her own cold face stared back at her.

Mary jumped about a foot when a cold hand touched her shoulder, she screamed aloud.

"Oh sorry dear, are you alright?" the elderly woman asked

Mary collected herself, "yeah, yeah I'm fine . . . just a bad dream" 

The woman smiled, "do you know when we're supposed to arrive?"

Mary looked at her watch, "I think around 5, so in about 10 minutes."

"Thank you dear" she said turning forward, "I'm going to see my granddaughter's ballet recital. What are you going to Manhattan for?" 

Mary looked out the window, "to get away"

This was the fourth train Mary had been on since about 4am. She had packed up some stuff, and taken all the money she could find in the colonels house. Ryan had taken his dad's car and drove her to the train station. When he hugged her goodbye he said one thing to her,

 "You have to get out and be something better Mary, be something better than we ever will be" 

Mary stood at the train station looking at the large map behind the plastic casing on the wall. Someone tapped her shoulder, "excuse me," they said.

She turned around and there was a guy in a blue beanie holding up a crinkled map, "I'm sorry, I was completely lost in thought and I got off at the wrong stop, do you know where we are?" 

"Um yeah," Mary turned back to the map, "were right here" she said putting her finger on the large red dot.

"Thanks" the guy said, then he started to turn, then he changed his mind, "hey aren't you-"

Mary interrupted him, "the girl from the missing posters? Yes. Can you take me back to my grandfather and collect a reward? No, because I am an adult an di can do whatever I want" she huffed

"Oh, I just thought you might like a place to stay, I ran away too. Well, that was a few years ago . . .but someone took me in, I thought I'd return the favor. But you obviously are fine, so uh thanks" he turned to leave

"Wait!" Mary said rather loudly, "I'd like to take you up on that place"

He smiled and held out his hand, "Jason, and you are?"

"Mary" she smiled back

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I hate transitional chapters, but they are unfortunately necessary

I like the next 4 muuch better . . .Mary's bout to get meeessed up 

review pleeesee! 


	5. someone's prayer

"I've-I've just got these ideas, like burnin thorough my skull man" ~Jack Black as Lance Brumder in Orange County.

Like lance I cannot sleep with my ideas burnin through my skull, and I refuse to do so until this chap is up! Plus I feel that I owe it to you after the last short, pointless chapter.

WARNING: same as always 

Notes to my reviewers whom I love:

Bethie: sorry Hon, no Wilson. Or any other Camdens, Mary is on her own.

Lexan: it was the colonel you know. So of course when she was missing and he knew she wasn't with her b/f seeing as he was in jail, he flipped. But that's not really important. Which is prolly why I didn't further explain.

Abbie: sorry about your finger love! That's rough, I know because I have broken 4 fingers, 7 toes, 3 ribs, my nose twice, and shattered my right ankle. I guess I'm a little accident-prone.

Kim, Camden-Kinkurk, and CamdenCav12 I love you too!!!   

Just so you know, this chap is set about a year in the future from the last one, don't worry the goings-on of the last year will be explained throughout.

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Mary tapped her fingers on the counter as she stared at the clock, one minute until she was off. She silently wished that somehow time would move backwards and she could stay there. 

A man at the counter drew her attention away from the clock as he set a candy bar and a soda on the counter. "Will this be all?" Mary asked him and she punched the numbers in on the cash register. 

"Um I'll take a pack of smokes" 

Mary retrieved the package and put it in the bag with his other items. The man left causing the door to make that obnoxious dinging sound. A girl came in the door and went straight behind the counter, "ok my turn" she said taking Mary's place at the register.

She silently walked to the dark backroom. She removed her red vest with her nametag pinned to the front and hung it on the hook. She grabbed her coat and threw it on as she walked out the backdoor. 

She strolled down the street and right past her subway stop. Today she was going to walk. She needed to come up with something before she even thought about going home.

After walking awhile she finally came up with something, she would have go see Vinnie. He had always come through for her in the past. 

A few blocks later, she ducked into an alley for a quick smoke brake. She leaned against the brick wall of the building and got her cigarettes out of her pocket along with a plastic green lighter. She placed the cigarette in her mouth and held up the lighter and gave it a few flicks. Barely a spark came out. She held up the clear plastic tube, it was empty. Frustrated she tossed it against the opposite wall.

She slid down the wall and sat on the hard ground. She hated times like this, times when she was clean and sober enough to realize what a mess her life was.

"Excuse Me," a small voice said

Mary looked up to see two girls, no more than 16 and a woman in her forties. 

"Hi" the blonde girl said, she was obviously the least shy of the group, the adult seemed to kind of lurk in the background, "I'm Quincy, and this is Darla and her mom Deb. We're from the Calvary Baptist church in Atlanta Georgia" 

Mary just looked at them, eyebrows raised, waiting for more

"What's your name?" Quincy asked, when Mary had told her she asked something else, "How are you today?"

For some reason Mary decided to just open up to the strangers, it was unusual for someone to care how she was. "Well, not so good. I'm kind of avoiding going home."

Quincy had kneeled down in front of her while her friends cowered in the back. "Why is that?" she asked boldly

"I didn't get my boyfriend his drug fix for today, and he's a mess when he doesn't get it" 

"What's he addicted to?" Quincy asked curiously. This girl wasn't a little bit shy, Mary already liked her.

"Cocaine" Mary said flatly, it was nothing to her, "we do a lot of drugs actually, but he's kind of becoming a junkie" 

The girl looked at Mary's face, "Did he do that to you?" 

Mary had completely forgotten about her huge black eye that Jay had given her the night before. She nodded, "he had a bad trip, his friend got some really cheap stuff. It messed him up bad, its no big deal" 

The girl's friend looked horrified, but she seemed un-phased by it all. 

Mary looked at Darla's sweatshirt, it said, 'Lady Tiger Basketball' Mary smiled, "I used to play basketball."

The girl jumped when she realized Mary was talking to her. 

"Really?" Quincy asked with enthusiasm

Mary told her the whole story about how she was the preacher's perfect daughter, how it had all disappeared with a few rolls of toilet paper. She told her about buffalo, and Brad, Angela. Everything

Quincy looked at Mary with sad eyes, "can I pray with you?" 

It had been a long time since Mary had prayed, but she nodded. 

Quincy grabbed Mary's hands and bowed her head, "dear heavenly Father," she began, "thank you for Mary Lord. She is such a bright spirit Father and I pray that you will get her help Lord. Help her to see that she is destined for better, and we know you love her Lord. Please keep her safe Lord, in your name-" 

Mary interrupted her, "can you ask him to forgive me?" Mary said sincerely with tears in her eyes.

"You can do that" Quincy smiled

Mary looked at her and said quietly, "please" 

The girl smiled sadly and re-lowered her head, "and Lord forgive Mary for the mistakes she has made in her past. In Jesus' precious name, Amen." 

After Quincy had stood up she pulled a card out of her pocket, "here's the shelter we'll be working at all week. My pastor can get you into a place, and maybe you and your boyfriend can get cleaned up." She and her friends started to walk away, "God bless!" she called out.

Mary dried her tears and walked a few blocks to where Vinnie lived. She climbed up the ladder and through the window. She stood in the middle of the dark, room. 

"Vinnie?" she called, "it's Mary" 

Out of the corner walked a shadowy figure, "you want your usual?" he asked in a raspy voice.

Mary nodded, and then quietly said, "I don't have any money"

Vinnie smiled crookedly, "then you know what to do"

As Vinnie unzipped his pants the girl's words echoed in Mary's mind, "God Bless"

I wish he did 

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I'm sure that doesn't all make sense, but it will all come together I promise

Quincy is based on a real girl at my church, whenever we got downtown and talk to the homeless people she's just like, "Hey!!" so yeah, that's her.

Reeevieeeww!! 


	6. same as me

A/N: ok, it's been a few days since my last update I've been havin a rough week but i'm trying to channel my anger and depression into my writing. Thank God this is an angry depressing story. These next few chaps are most def my fav. 

The rating as always is stressed

**WARNING: this story contains heavy drug use, strong language, abuse, and sexual content that may be offensive to some readers**

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Mary slowly ascended the damp steps. She ran her hand along the dirty cement wall while she walked through the dark hallway. She remembered the first time she had to see Vinnie. She had felt so dirty, she just wanted a shower.

But now it seemed like nothing.

She passed the rusty pipes that were on the outside of the wall and pushed open the grimy door. There was no lock on it, plus they were always too messed up to remember where keys were. 

She stepped inside the tiny apartment. She had never noticed what a dump it was. The walls were just cinder block, almost black from years of filth build up. There were bottles and cans strewn about the floor.  Her boyfriend, Jason was sitting on the couch, his best friend Ty on the floor next to him. 

Jason looked up at her with bloodshot eyes, "where've you been?" 

She didn't say anything as she took the baggie out of her pocket and threw it on the broken plastic table in front of him. 

"This morning you told me you didn't have any money" he said angry

She just looked at the floor

"You went and saw Vinnie didn't you?" he stood up

 She started to cross the room towards the window. He held out his arm to stop her.

"You stupid whore" he just glared

She snapped at him, "I had to do something, I don't want another black eye Jay!" 

He held up his hand to smack her but Ty grabbed his arm, "come on man, chill. Why don't we sit down and enjoy what Mary brought us. You know Vinnie's got good stuff"

Mary ran to the window and slid it open; it usually took her forever to get it open, because it was broken (like most things in her life). But in her anger it opened very easily. She climbed trough it and out onto the fire escape. She grabbed the cigarettes out of the cracked flowerpot under the window. After she had lit it she leaned against the iron railing and sighed heavily.

"Hey you ok?" someone said behind her

"Go away Ty" she said, white smoke hanging in the air around her. 

He grabbed a cigarette of his own and stood next to her. He looked down at the alley, a dumpster was right below them, a man was sleeping inside of it. 

"Why do you let him treat you like that?" he asked quietly

Mary took a long drag and stared straight ahead, "because I love him" 

Ty couldn't understand Mary's need for love. His mother was a heroin addict, he was born addicted. She left him in a phone booth when he was 6 hours old. He spent most of his life in foster care, and as soon as he was 18 he was back on the street. He didn't know what love was. 

He liked to think it was the way he felt when Mary smiled.

Ty reached over and pulled up her sleeve; her arm was covered in nasty purple bruises. He looked up at her, "Mary we're all really messed up, and were probably going to hell for what we do. But you don't deserve that."

Angry, Mary tore her arm away from him and moved to the other side of the fire escape. "You don't get it Ty, we need each other . . . he's all I got."

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Review and jay might stop beating the snot out of Mary 


	7. black balloon

A/N: blaghablaahaarrgh! That's not a real word but I feel like that right now. Im feelin sick and just layin here watchin survivor…the drama is just too much!! They just got rid of jenna…thank god!! Go amber and rob! I love you!! Hehe, im a nerd…ok yeah..story, right…

I did this in a lil songfic-y way…I hope that's ok, it seemed right, thanks dashboard

**WARNING: same same….**

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Later that night when Jason and Mary had both calmed down, they were all sprawled around the small apartment. 

Mary scanned the room from atop the TV cabinet where she was sitting, a half-empty bottle of cheap liquor in her hand. Jay was sitting on the dirty green couch, staring off into the distance. Ty was lying on the stained dirty mattress on the floor in the corner rolling a bottle cap along the ridges in the floor. 

All day Mary had been thinking about the girl in the alley. All the things she had said were just whirling through her mind. She broke the eerie silence of the dank room, "have you guys ever wanted to get out?"

Jason was broken out of his trance, "what?" he said looking around

"I said, have you ever wanted out?"

Ty rolled over and sat up, "out of where?" 

Mary sat up straighter, "out of all this, I mean, look around you. Don't you want something better?"

They both laughed, "What are you talking about? This is the life!" Jason said leaning back and settling into the grimy cushion.

"You actually enjoy selling almost everything you own for drugs? Being more worried about when you'll get your next fix than you are about your next meal?" Mary asked them, he voice growing louder.

"Mary, this is the only life I've ever known," Ty confessed, "I don't know any other way." 

"Well I do. I used to be something, I was going somewhere" Mary couldn't believe the things that were coming out of her mouth, but she had been thinking them for almost two years. On the plane ride to Buffalo she had been thinking the things she was saying now. 

Jared stood up and looked straight at her, "it's a little late now isn't it Mary? Were not going anywhere, we cant be anybody." He picked up a syringe that most likely had had heroin in it off of the floor and threw it at her, "this is who we are now." 

Mary Camden was never the kind of girl who let people tell her who she was, or what she could and could not do. Years of built up rage surged through her veins and she took the bottle in her hand and threw it as hard as she could at him. It sailed towards his head, and zoomed over his right shoulder and shattered against the wall, Sending pieces of glass and booze in all directions.

This is where I say I've had enough 

Jared came at her and she jumped down and ran for the bathroom, bending down to pick a large piece of glass off of the floor. She opened the bathroom door and turned around to face him. She held out the jagged glass, "don't you dare touch me!" she screamed as she slammed the splintered door.

Her knees shook as she slid down the wall to the floor. She dropped the glass and pulled her knees into her chest and just rocked there. For the first time it had finally hit her that this was her life now. 

No one should ever feel the way that I feel now 

She had gone from being the perfect preacher's daughter basketball star, to a crack-whore.

And now there was no way out. 

She sat for a long time with her head against the wall and her eyes closed. No way out, this is who she had to be now. 

Or was it?

She saw the piece of jagged green glass on the floor next to her; a cockroach crawled over it and up the wall. It was shining in the dim light of the bathroom. Begging her to pick it up, this little piece of glass was her way out.

Her hands shook as she picked it up; she turned it around in her hands. The sharp edge caught her finger and she drew in her breath sharply. She dropped the glass and held up her hand. A single drop of crimson ran down her palm. She felt like a piece of her unhappiness ran down with it. 

A walking open wound 

She didn't want to be unhappy anymore.

She shakily pushed up her sleeves and examined the bruises that covered her wrists. With her fingers she traced the blue highways that traveled down her skin. 

A trophy display of bruises 

This wasn't fair, her family had done this to her. They sent her away because she was bad . . .she had to get them back. They had to pay for the things they had done to her.

And I don't believe that I'm getting any better 

She took a deep breath and furiously scooped up her weapon. She placed the sharp corner at the top of her wrists and closed her eyes. She held her breath as she dug the edge into her flesh. 

She had expected it to hurt so much more. It had been a long time since Mary had felt anything, for all she knew it was the most painful thing she had ever experienced. 

Maybe everything hurt so much that she couldn't tell the difference.

She had cut along the lines in both of her arms, she held them out and watched the blood run in every direction and pool on the floor. 

She started to get lightheaded

she smiled as she closed her eyes 

and slipped into blackness . . .

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ahh i'm crying, becuz my story makes me sad. . . AND becuz Boston Rob proposed to Amber, and i'm a sucker for romance   
  
review, I a'int done yet! 


	8. without you there

Oh boy! People reviewed I am soo happy! Now i'm watching 7h and wondering, how many times have they changed Carlos' last name?? This whole eppy is tragic becuz like the whole gang is here, cept Jesse . . .and now i'm really sad.

Oh boy time to clear things up . . .

I totally called Jason Jared, slip up. I apologize, the names are similar you know

Someone commented that a baby can't be born addicted to heroin. Well, I am a freak about researching everything in my stories . . .and according to the national department of drug prevention, they can. Babies born to addicts actually go through withdrawls and have to be medicated. So yes, they can…the end

Kaykay: um I hope you read this chap before school…it gets sadder. And lets say this is payback for Paging Dr.George.

I got too involved in the show…its over now but im furious. Carlos was being like so not nice, and um hello, Wilson would never treat Mary like that in a time of need. It is ridiculous that they would do this without Jessica, and Carlos must die…the end

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Mary fluttered her eyes open, she saw plain blue walls, the steady beeping sound of her heart monitor echoed in the room.

A plump woman with curly brown hair and pink scrubs came into the room, "oh you're up!" she said excitedly.

"How did I get here?" Mary managed to ask.

"Oh, well you're friend Ty brought you in, and it was a good thing too, he was just in time to save you!" this nurse was extremely upbeat and her tone made Mary shudder.

The nurse looked into Mary's sad, droopy eyes, "you just get back to resting dear, you can push that button by your bed if you need me" and with that she scurried out of the room.

"Damn it Ty," Mary cursed aloud, "couldn't you have left me alone for once?"

She pulled her sore arms out from under the thin hospital sheets. Huge pieces of gauze covered them. She looked to her left to find an IV slowly dripping blood back into her body. Little by little she peeled back the bandages on her arms to discover rows and rows of stitches that sealed the jagged lines she had made. She ran her fingers over them.

What had they done?

She just wanted to be left alone.

Didn't they get it? People do things like that for a reason

She noticed that some of the stitches had been really sloppily and quickly done. Some weren't stitched; small scabs had started to form . . . scabs that could easily be broken.

She looked around quickly, then tore the bandage off of her other arm.

She thrust her arms back under the sheets and began furiously rubbing them against the cold metal sides of the bed. Searching for a sharp place to break the skin, to finish what she had started.

Mary's mind was completely gone, as far as she knew it, she died last night...hell,she died years ago.

Finally she found a sharp corner on the back edge of the railing, she jammed her arms into it and dragged them across it, tearing her flesh again, breaking the stitches.

Blood was starting to run down and drip off of her elbows . . .it wouldn't be long now.

Then she remembered the IV, she took her bloody right arm and tore the tape off of her arm and ripped the needle out of her vein. The tube swung, slowly dripping the precious fluid all over the linoleum floor.

Her heart monitor was beeping faster; they would hear it and rush in to fix her again. She was starting to grow weak but she summoned enough strength to yank the wire that was running out from under her hospital gown.

Then she put her arms to her side and waited. She could see the blood starting to seem through the sheets. It spread quickly through the thread of the fabric and gradually turned the pale blue into crimson.

Just then the nurse came back. She was busy pouring a glass of water and putting it on a tray of food.

Mary turned her head to her and said in a raspy voice, "Tell my mom and dad that . . .that I'm-I'm sorry"

The nurse stayed facing the wall and said in her same cheery tone, "It's alright dear, you can tell them yourself. You're going to be just fine, you're not going anywhere."

Mary leaned back and closed her eyes, "But I want to go"

_Mary Camden was an angel with broken wings_

_ Now she can fly_

**#When you think of me, remember the way that I used to be#**

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that's it, that's the end.

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Review please


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